exams over

i just thought of my blog suddenly!!! it's a long time i post anything
well, i know my blog is kinda useless - that's what i feel like right now. very boring and i thought of stopping it. but as i thought over again, i might as well just use this as my diary or a journal i should say. write how i feel, and my daily challenges and sufferings that i have to go through each day so that next time, when i read back i know what's going on with me when i am 16++.
so exam is finally over and i guess i did terrible for all. physics is disappointing, i guess i took it forgranted even ii i knew the answer. careless was the other problem for me but what is the main issue is i guess what mrs, ngu said to me WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!! before i come to that, i have to say, i really really am different. different person. or maybe i should just go back to the persoalan, what is wrong with me. exams results proved that i am a different. person. i dunno why i did terrible despite of studying until half dead. why is it that everytime when it is exam, i am sooooo careless and bad. i feel stupid, useless and paralysed. i am good for nothing. what is really wrong with me. in terms of studies, i really disappoint myself in english, sejarah and add maths plus maths. careless is the main problem. if it is not i circle wrongly is i read or copied the question wrongly. but what is worse if physics and english. english,,....i really am deteriorating recently. sooo terrible. i know my english is not good. and i really don wan to accept the fact that just becoz i am indonesian, my english is not good. as i have seen for the past few years, indon never get a1 in spm and i really don want to use being indon as an excuse. but i guess i have to accept that fact now. it has become a reality. i really dunno what else i can do. maybe i should study english at all, but what's worse is i am half way thru the road. how am i suppose to face the world with such lousy english. how am i suppose to make it thru college and uni or even the outside world with such poor english. i really don know what to.
physics, is a disappointment this time, i really studied hard and am expecting good results. i know i always get c the past tests but i am hoping the mark will improve not to a but to a b at least. but it won't come true anymore. again i do not want to believe that i can nevery excell in physics. others can, why can't i. ok, maybe take this as a lesson. don't give up. do properly in the exam, dont overlook anything or everything, take each question seriously but it is hard for me to do this.
i just don't have that courage and spirit anymore. i have let myself down and everyone too. i feel ashamed for disappointing my teachers who have taught me so hard but got nothing in my head. i feel stupid for not gaining good grades. maybe life is not about acheiving good grades but what you know. the problem for me is now is that how am suppose to continue learning even if don't gain good grades for such basic stuff.
i am really exhausted, in studying , and i know my frens who advice, counselled me said take this as a lesson. try harder next time. but i have tried hard enough and nevertheless, i should say this is the hardest that i have tried and what do i get, terrible results. what's wrong with me!!! i need to find the answer. what's more important is to gain the confidence and the spirit to fight back. i know this whole post is stupid, stating my problems and then, giving my own solution. but that's what i am thinking right now. not to say that these are all what my frens said, i know this is what i am suppose to do. but it's hard. i know i am just making excuses and never want to try
as i have said i am exhausted. i don wan to think anymore. i feel useless at the moment. i have had high hopes and dreams for myself. but unfortunately, my family does not give me that support. they feel that i know what is best. they think i am tough but unfortunately, i feel weak, timid and down. i really need the strength but dunno where to find it. i am tired of all this. but i know there is someone or some place that i can turn to when i am down. my frens. so i really thank all my frens, kevin, edine, elsie, phey feng, stella, shih yang, zhi yuan and elsie for supporting me all this while. the only way for me to rejoice i should say is believe inyourself. take this time's challenges as a lesson. never repeat my mistakes again and have confidence
nevertheless, the lradership training yesterday did sedarkan me, my frens still believe in me, thank you to my group members and shih yang and kevin of course for commenting me bout the speech.
so, before i end this , to sherly in the future,
- excellence, is not about being the best but doing your bext (thanks elsie)
- have faith in yourself
- life is not the way it's supposed to be, it's the way it is
but, the way you cope with it is what make the difference!!!!
- trust the people around you and believe in them that they want the best for you
i think others who read this might think i am crazy, talking to myself and then, giving support to myself, you might i have mental problem , but i guess, i really am going insane soon if i continue to run away from my problems and therefore, the only way i should solve my matter is confront myself and don run away from my problems. comments or any guidance for me please leave comments for me.