Happy birthday

today, 48th bday for malaysia and also happy birthday to cikgu willie. since not i am not malaysian, i just wish wish the country and the people happy birthday.
holiday, a day break, need to clear up my room and of course do hwk and study. last nite, party for andrew, chris, billy and joshua. happy 17th chris!! and happy 16th birthday andrew, billy and joshua!!!
and yesterday also, national celebration at school. we sang our song, the lionel composed. and boy was it great. teachers love it. miss su and mrs ngu missed it and they wanted us to sing again!! mr. linus who said he hated such kinds of celebration loved our perfomance and mrs chan and miss teo just love the song. so in the end, we sang again for the four teachers who wanted to listen. so, at last, lionel's creation paid off. i dun regret for proposing to the class to sing the song and i dun care if he is angry at me or not, all i know i si did the right thing. and i guess most of us are proud to be lodgians!!! after our performance, we made a surprise presentation for cikgu willie, singing happy birthday song for him....in the hall,....in front of all teachers and kids....ooo malu him!!! but i gues he is sporting enough,......please dun get mad at us, its our last year in school.
thats all......

THURSDAY!!!!!!!

oh boy, its thursday already and i haven started opening my book....well, except for add maths. three more days left and back to school??, gosh, times pass sooo fast. past few days, busy with the add maths project, and now i still haven finish, gonna abandoned that till school reopens. i guess now, back to my work....HWK and STUDY!! oh well, i dun even know whether i can even get on with the scond task.....i wanna GO OUT.....EAT and WATCH MOVIE.....you guys would probably think i am crazy for thinking about shopping and relaxing right now but, thats what i feel this whole week....but i guess i cant even think about that anymore cos none of you would probably join me to do this crazy stuff. should be stuck with books right now. i am just not in the mood. have to force myself i guess.....and actually, all the previous posts, sadness, and negative emotions did fill me up for a while. but now i am ok. sorry to post up sadness again melia, cant help it, just a way to express how i feel but i guess they never realised it.....gotta go now. till then!!

GRRRRrrrrrr.......

well, there's a lot of reason for that title. now i finally found out why edine was sooo angry and pissed the pass few days just because of add maths cos i hate the project now too. really annoying.......giving it to us now, make us cannot study only.....hi yah. really wanna finish it as soon as possible so i can study. but looks like its gonna be hard as nobody wants to do it....oh well..another reason for the title, sooo exhausted and tired. exciting and fun though today......surprise party for elsie, chang mei and phey feng!!! shocked them to death i guess. oh well, sorry tian hui and judith for not being able to make it for your bdays. happy birthdays to the both of you anyway..... another reason for the title, i am just lost, puzzled and i dunno wat's going on.....how did it start, how did it happen, i am sooo lost.....pushing me till the end of the cliff,leaving me unanswered, am willing to jump off the cliff to solve the whole problem. my feelings is like the song untitlted sang by simple plan.

Simple Plan
Untitled

I open my eyes
I try to see but
I'm blinded
By the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound
But no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto
A time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't


i wanna start this over again? can it happen after i am being pushed over my limits already? i just dunno and i am sick of this.....gtg do my work

Exhausted

From the title, i guess everyone in my class agrees with me especially on friday. i think its the most tiring day ever. 2 lessons of bio, followed by add maths, 2 lessons of neverending teaching, teacher just kept on teaching and teaching and teaching until our brain all saturated and then extra class sejarah for an hour. by the end of the day, head is soooo heavy and no energy in the body.
well, today, wen to school do hwk, afternoon add maths tuition. dinner and now i am tired, wanna go sleep early but i guess i have to finish my left over hwk first. worse of all, add maths project was handed to us, why NOW then they give!!! how to study like that!!! oh well.....

how much time do i have left, not much, and here i really have to say not much....maybe i should write in bm, practise my bm skills. leave comments please.....

menghitung hari yang tinggal, menimbulkan persoalan dalam onakku; tinggal berapa detik lagi dlm sisa hidupku? tidak banyak lagi; masa semakin suntuk, semakin menghampiri saat bom meledak, semakin menghampiri saat gunung berapi meletup; hanya tunggu masa yang sesuai, masa untuk meledak, masa untuk meletup, masa utk menghabiskan hidupku ini, masa utk kulari dari sini. tetapi bilakah masanya? kutak tahu, kuhanya boleh menunggu. apa daya aku, tiada apa lagi yg dpt kulakukan dalam hidup ini, tiada apa lagi yang dpt kulakukan utkmu, tiada apa lagi yg dpt kulakukan utk berjumpa/bertemu dan bercakap dgnmu, tiada jalan yg dpt kuredahi utk ke sismu; ku hanya dpt menanti, menanti hingga ke saat terakhirku, menanti dalam kerunsingan, sehingga membuat hatiku resah, masihkah kumenantimu? kumenanti, menanti dengan penuh kesabaran, tetapi penantian ini semakin ke penghujungnya, kerana masaku semakin suntuk, bagaikan lilin yang hampir habis membakar dirinya; sampai bila harus kumenantimu? sampai bila harus kuharapkanmu? mungkin kau tidak sedari, bahawa kumenantimu, menantimu menjawabkan panggilanku, menjawabkan persoalanku yang sentiasa mengeliling fikiranku; menantimu memberikan ucapan terakhirku; menantimu mendengari suaramu, untuk kali terakhir; tetapi, seperti yg kukatakan, apa dayaku, kalau kau masih tidak menyedari, terhadap apa yg telah kulakukan kepadamu, terhadap apa yang telah kusampaikan kepadamu, mesej atau ucapan terakhirku; ku hanya boleh menanti, menantimu menjawabku; merenung kembali memori hidupku, sementara menunggu masaku. dapatkah kumenantimu? masih sempatkah kumendapat jawapanmu? adakah kau menyedarinya? sedangkan kau telah diberitahu bahawa masaku suntuk; apa yang boleh kubuat selain drp mengharap jawapanmu, bukan, selain drp menanti jawapanmu, sambil menanti masaku yang kian menghilang.......

Lonely, i am so lonely, i have nobody

oh well, sad title.....dun worry, i am alrite. its jusst the fact that i am lonely. lonely at home, lonely at school, lonely in the heart. lonely at home, home alone, this weekend, parents went back yesterday.......lonely at home. lonely at school, surrounded by frens, and yet feel i am at the wrong place, feel out of place, lonely, not knowing whether you are at the correct crowd, or maybe i should just sit the corner of the class and observe, lonely at school. lonely in the heart, thats the most heartbreaking one, not knowing whether anyone knows what i feel, thinking of sth, but in the end, what i get is a negative response, or worse of all, the answer is unknown as the later chooses to runaway, what hurts is the fact that i am lost in my world, wanting to know the answer but i cant, not knowing where to get the answer, still lost in my own world, wondering what is the latter's answer, still waiting, still hoping, and here i just wanna say, i am still waiting for your answer, even though its negative, but at least i feel assured of whats going one, rather than leaving me in puzzles, i cant face the fact that i have to keep on finding the answer from you if you dun wanna tell me and besides that, i thought you knew me and i thought i knew you, i thought you should know who i am and i thought i knew who you were, but i guess i was wrong, i was wrong about you thinking that you understand me and care for me as a fren, but what i just found out is that i was wrong. i cant ask you anymore as i have already asked once and i do not get any reply, i am already feeling sooo embaressed of the first attempt, and i dun have the courage to make the second one, i do not have the power to go up and talk to you or justto even say hi cos i cannot face the consequences of being ignored and turned down AGAIN, where am i a gonna put my face to and because you haven said anything to me, leaving me unaswered after what i have done, i feel decieved, being used being fooled by you , i really dun wan to feel that way, i dun wan to feel that way because of you , because of what you have dun to me, and wth that, i am still waiting for the answer from you as i really do not want to feel that, until to extent that i have to. i am still waiting to be informed on what is really going on. i really do not want to feel that i have a huge for knowing you as i feel that i have cos of what is going on, i just wanna say sorry to you, to you and especially you.
besides that, i am soooo dead, spm mock is drawing near, and i dun have much time, but i am filled with problems, unanswered questions, how am i suppose to focus on my studies, so please dun leave me unanswered as i dun think i can move on as you and you and you are still in my hearts no matter what. its just so sad that it happened. guess i better do my work now!

i dunno

i dunno what's in your mind,
i dunno what you are thinking,
i just wanted you to know,
how i feel right now,
even though i dunno if you are gonna read this.

i dunno how you feel,
after we have talked,
after what i have said to you,

i dunno if i have freaked you out,
i dunno if i have just hurt your heart,
i dunno if i have just slammed a door on your face,
i just cant imagine what you are thinking.

but i do know one thing,
how i feel,
right now.

dun be hurt,
because of what we have talked about
because it is me,
who is facing the consequences,
the consequences of what you and i have done.

please,
i just want to tell you,
that i dun blame you,
for what has happened,
for it is no mans fault.

but i really can't deny that,
i am worried,
scared,
afraid,
that things wont be the same,
as usual.

i feel that
i have lost the connection
between us,
because of what i just said to you.

i feel that
i have built a barrier
between us,
not being able to meet
or even talk to each other.

i feel that,
you are avoiding me,
because of my words,
the words that may shocked you to death.

that is how i feel;
feeling of being avoided,
feeling of being unwanted,
feeling of being left alone,

that is how i feel,
i feel that you are trying to;
avoid me,
lose this friendship,
and never be as close as before.

that is how i feel,
after what we have just talked about,
and i feel bad
for causing any unhappiness in your life,
for causing any uneasiness in your life,
for i know it is my fault,
to cause you all this.

but i just want you to know,
that i hope,
things can go back to normal,
where we can talk
and share our ups and downs together.

i really do not want,
to lose this friendship,
unless you are really really hurt,
where you cannot face me anymore,
and do mind having me as a friend,
then i will let you go,
leave you with your own life,
for i know you will be happy that way,
and i will pray and wish you the best,
in everything you do,
as i know you deserve much better than me,

i need an answer from you,
maybe not an answer,
i just want to know
what you are thinking,
tell me the truth,
whether what i am feeling
is true,
that you are really avoiding me,
cos it is important for me.
please just tell me,
anyway, anyhow, anytime,
or should i say asap?

i am sorry ;
for everything,
that i have done wrong,
for every word,
that may have hurt your feelings.
sorry!!